Ending Aggressive Behavior~priddymomma

Hey guys!  Guess what.  I got a puppy!  He refuses to let me write this post without pausing mid-sentence to give him some affection.  We named him Percy Jackson, because we are awesome like that.  Naturally, his leash and food bowl are blue.

Anywho, now that I bragged on my dog, let’s get down to business.  What do you do with a child that acts out aggressively?  Here is my super simple five step approach:

• STEP 1:  The first step with any aggressive behavior is to figure out why the child is doing it.  Has he recently seen violence in a movie?  Does he simply want attention?  Is the behavior directed towards one person or indiscriminate?  Is the behavior a go-to response for not getting his way?   Is the behavior the way the child shows anger?  Sometimes the underlying cause is obvious.  Sometimes you’ll have to dig a bit.  It isn’t always necessary to know the why before continuing to Step 2, but I think you won’t take the aggression as personally if you understand the thoughts and actions behind it.  It is hard to be rational when you get smacked in the face. 
• STEP 2:  Talk with the child about the behavior and why it is inappropriate.  Match the discussion to the age level as necessary, but don’t lecture.  Four or five sentences should suffice. 
• STEP 3:  Decide on a consequence for the aggressive behavior (ahead of time if possible).  Consider time out, not earning a beloved privilege, or losing the chance to play with the person or animal that the behavior is directed towards. 
• STEP 4:  Follow through.  When your child shows the aggressive behavior again, follow through on your consequence.  It is very important to be consistent. 
• STEP 5:  Have your child apologize for the transgression, and do something to make up if possible (hug the person, get them an ice pack, kiss the boo boo, help pick up kicked down blocks, etc.)

I included this just for fun.  Oh, the gray area!

Success Story!  Cheerio Champ tried out some hostile language along with a very poorly performed martial arts bit after watching Power Rangers.  Cheerio Champ screeched, “I SHALL DESTROY YOU!” and proceeded to attempt some weird spin move, following with a kick to my shin.  While somewhat funny, it did smart.  It was simple to see that Power Rangers, which he was still actively watching, was the cause for the aggression. 

I went on to Step 2, telling Cheerio Champ that the behavior was inappropriate.  Our house rules (which are posted on the wall), state that it is not okay for anyone in the family to yell, hit, threaten, tease, or be mean to another family member.  I explained that he threatened to destroy me, and that kicking was like hitting with a foot.  It is also generally frowned upon to perform martial arts against your mother, and mean to boot. 

Step 3 and 4-I let Cheerio Champ know that his behavior didn’t earn him video games for that afternoon (notice that I phrase that intentionally as a positive, and not a negative. He didn’t lose a privilege; rather, he didn’t earn it.  It puts the power in his lap and not mine.  I’m not taking them away due to his behavior.  He’s not earning them with poor behavior.  A slight but important difference.) 

I continued on to Step 5 by insisting that he owed me an apology.  He promptly apologized and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to make up for it.  I told him no, but thank you.  It was enough to not do it again.  So far so good!  (I confess that this response isn’t something he came up with on his own.  We trained him on it previously, but I think it is very important to know how to properly apologize.  A script isn’t always a bad thing for kids.)

In the works!  Princess Cheerio is a biter.  She bites when she is frustrated

Apparently I'm having a puppy fixation kind of day.

(mostly with her brother).  I am encouraging her to use her words to talk about her feelings, instead of biting.  I have also been introducing other ways for her to let off steam that don’t involve biting her brother (or screaming, which is her other gold standard).  I use time outs (2 minutes for her since she is 2) when she falls back to biting.  Princess Cheerio knows why she isn’t allowed to bite (biting hurts!), and she apologizes to her brother afterwards.  I’ve been doing it for two or three weeks, and she is down from biting dozens of times a day to only biting once or twice.  It’s a process, but it is working and well worth it. 

I find this method to be effective.  I hope you do too.  Thanks for reading!

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Top 10 Books~priddymomma

Hey guys!  Sorry about last week.  We were all busy with our own things and forgot all about posting.  I’m sure you know what that’s like. 

Before we get started on the topic this week, I’d like to give a shout out to Kim!  Kim is new to our blog and will be updating on Mondays starting next week.  That’s four days a week, folks.  Join us Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays!  And remember, as always, that we accept topic requests.  Comment below or email us at thecaseofthemissingcheerios@gmail.com

Alrighty.  Enough of the shameless plugging.  Moving right along. 
Top 10 Books.  Wow.  I love to read, but I’m going to struggle with this one.  I have a tendency to read a lot of series(es?), so for the purposes of this post, we’ll just count a series as one book.  (Shut up.  It’s my post and I’ll do what I want!)

1.      Harry Potter.  If you make me pick, Deathly Hallows.  If you haven’t read Harry Potter by now, turn off the computer and pick up a copy.  You can hug me later.  I also accept monetary donations.

Yeah.  This is a recent photo.  I'm kind of a fan.

2.      The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher.  It’s like Harry Potter for adults.  By that I mean there’s cursing, sex, and smart-assery.  Harry Dresden (ironic perhaps that he shares a first name with another favorite wizard of mine) is a wizard AND a private investigator.  Also, he gets in trouble.  Lots.  And kick butt female leads.  If the first book doesn’t hook you, the second will.

3.      The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.  This is one of the few stand-alones on my list.  I’m a sucker for Greek mythology, and Miller winds such an amazing tale.  Here’s my review for goodreads:  http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/359713642  Follow me while you’re there! (more plugging!  Gah!)

4.      Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan.  Everything Riordan writes is gold.  And I’m cheating again…Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan.  Sequel series to above mentioned.  Waiting for House of Hades to come out is torture!  PERCABETH!!!

The cover is so hardcore!

5.      The Morganville Vampire series by Rachel Caine.  This is an extensive series.  There are 14 or 15 books already released, but you will love the characters and the action.  Vampires, violence and kick butt chicks.  What’s not to love?

6.      Millennium series by Stieg Larson.  This is the series that brought you The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  Masterful writing and thread-weaving.

7.      The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.  It’s technically part of a series, but this book in particular I enjoy.  I’ve read the book several times and watched the movie close to a dozen.  I love stories with clues that you get to tinker out yourself.

8.      The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis.  Oldie but a goodie.  I love reading this series to the kids.

9.      39 Clues Series by Scholastic (misc. authors).  I know, I know.  It’s a guilty pleasure.  The books are really very educational.

10.  Stay by Allie Larkin.  A stand-alone happy-ending kind of book.  The woman gets drunk and orders a dog online.  Hilarity ensues.  

 

Favorite Books~priddymomma

Welcome back!  I can not put into words how absolutely ecstatic I am about this week’s topic.  I love books, and I am not shy about recommending them.

Favorite Series

Okay, so obviously I’ve already mentioned I’m a Harry Potter fan.  Fanatic?  Say what you will, I suppose.  I could sit here and write all day about Harry Potter.  I think that highly of it.  Instead, I’ll leave it as its own entity and list my other favorite series(es?).

• The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
• The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
• Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan
• Heroes of Olympus (sequel series to above mentioned) by Rick Riordan
• Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

These aren’t facetious recommendations.  I have read these at least three times each and plan to continue to read them yearly until I turn to dust.  The exception is Dresden Files.  I’ve just recently discovered the series.  Jim isn’t finished yet, and it has fourteen books, so it’ll be a bit before I read it that many times.  And with Harry Potter…well.  I’m not even sure how many times I’ve read it.  I lost count around seven. 

 

Cheerios Champ’s Current Fav

Tacky and the Winter Games by Helen Lester

Tacky the penguin is quirky and fun.  He’s a fav for my son (four years old).  He stars in several books and teaches kids that it’s okay to be different.  At times, being different is preferable to being just like everyone else.

Princess Cheerio’s Current Fav

Peek-a Who? by Nina Laden

My daughter (10 months) LOVES this book!  Its simple, repetitive rhythm engages tykes.  There’s a little window in the book that allows you to peek at the next page, which my daughter finds endlessly fascinating.  The colors and patterns are bold and appealing, and the last page is mirrored.  You can never go wrong with a mirror when it comes to babes.

 

 

I read just about anything that catches my eye and as a result, I end up reading a lot of preteen books too.

Favorite Tweeny Series

(outside of Percy Jackson, I mean)

39 Clues by Scholastic.  Misc. Authors

 This series is educational and full of action, and it’s written by amazing children's writers such as Rick Riordan and Gordon Korman.  Ages ten and up for violence factor.  An underdog brother and sister struggle to find family clues before the other branches of the family can do so, traveling throughout the world and having adventures and breaking codes and such.  The sister is bookish, so she’s constantly revealing facts about wherever they are. 

 I also end up reading a lot of young adult novels.  I can’t pick just one, so here are some of my favs.

• Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld
• The Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine
• Gemma Doyle series by Libba Bray

 

Favorite Parenting Book

Have a New Kid by Friday:  How to Change Your Child’s Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days by Dr. Kevin Leman

This book changed the way I parent for the better.  Hubby and I were at the end of our rope with the way our son was behaving.  We realized that many of the issues we were having were power struggles and that our son was using certain tactics to control us.  It was really eye-opening.  It feels nice to hold the cards again.  I don’t recommend this for the faint-hearted, though.  It requires you to take a deep look at your own hang-ups and childhood feelings.  If you aren’t ready to change too, don’t try this method.  If you do as he suggests, it works.  Now five days…you can rearrange your thinking and parenting style in that time, but it's best to keep in mind that parenting is an ongoing thing and consistency is key.  I recommend the book if you have kids or grand kids from the ages of three to thirty-three!

Favorite Stand-Alone Novel

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Miller draws inspiration from "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey" to bring classic Greek mythological heroes to life. The story is told by Patroclus, exiled prince and closest companion to Achilles. This is the story behind the big names of the Trojan War.  If you are interested in Greek mythology at all, this is for you.  I absolutely flew through this book.  It is also Miller’s first novel, so I’m excited to see what she comes up with next. 

Favorite Mystery Series

(outside of Dresden Files)

Jocelyn Shore series by Janice Hamrick (Death on Tour, Death Makes the Cut, to be cont.)

The thing I love most about this mystery series is that it’s hilarious.  A school teacher finds herself on the bad side of a murderer.  In the first book, she’s vacationing in Egypt.  In the second, she’s back home and a fellow teacher is murdered.  I have no idea how believable it’ll be for the next novel, but you know.  You really read this series for the dialogue. 

 

Favorite Horror

The Stand by Stephen King

I won’t even give you a description here.  King is the master and he needs no introduction from me.

 

Favorite Book for a Broken Heart

Stay by Allie Larkin

I didn’t actually read this book when I had a broken heart.  It would be good after a break-up or divorce though.  Hilarious at times and heart-warming at others, it’s the kind of book that will fill you with hope for the future and stoke the fires of your belief in true love.  It also is a grand example of how everything happens for a reason.  Essentially, this woman has to watch the man she loves marry her best friend.  Then, drunk out of her mind and watching Rin Tin Tin reruns, she orders a dog off the internet.  Things don’t go the way she plans and cue shenanigans.  This is my favorite stand-alone feel-good book.

Well!  I think I’ve dragged this on long enough.  You are probably more than ready to get on with your life…and maybe even set aside some time for a good read.  What are some of your favs?

If you have any special requests for topics, you can email us (thecaseofthemissingcheerios@gmail.com), or leave a comment and let us know.  :)