STOP...budget time!~priddymomma

Hey guys!  Priddymomma here.  This week, we’re discussing tips and how-to for maintaining a budget.  (oh joy…)

Track Expenses

As unfun as that sounds, you have to know how much you spend in a month.  For thirty days, keep track of every penny that goes out:  bills, gas, food, fun, unexpected, gifts, etc. 

Are you living within your means?

You’ve tracked your expenses for 30 days.  How much do you bring home in thirty days?  If you are spending more than you bring in monthly, some changes need to be made!

Eliminate!

Time to separate the necessary from the unnecessary.  Necessary are things like utilities, gas, and groceries.  Unnecessary are that daily Starbucks, cigarettes, and fast food.  Where can you make cuts?

Budgeting tips and tricks:

• Keep a calendar just for bill due dates and amounts due.  When you pay off a bill, you can put a check mark on the item paid. 
• Pay a six month period at a time for things like auto insurance to maximize savings.
• We all love tax time, but that return can help you build an emergency fund!  Keep it in the bank as long as you can and pretend you don’t remember it’s there!  If you need something big (hospital visit, car repair), you’ll be glad you have the dough.  Or you can use it to pay off existing debt.
• Make a weekly grocery list and meal plan.  You’ll be less likely to eat out and more likely to avoid impulse buys.  I don’t know about you, but it easily costs $25 or more for my family to have fast food.  If you eat out once a week, that’s $100 a month you could be enjoying in a more lasting way.

 

• Get out of debt!  Pay off credit cards and then toss them.  If you have them, you are likely to use them and get right back in debt.  Always pay more than the minimum payment. 
• Call insurance companies and cable providers once a year and tell them you are looking to save money.  Ask for a better price.  They almost always are able to do something for you.  They want to keep their customers!
• Use cash.  When you use debit or credit, it feels too much like imaginary money.  You can’t see the money dwindling and it’s a lot more work than counting what’s in your wallet. 
• Use store brands where possible to save some money.  Clip coupons.  Look up coupons and coupon codes online for purchases.  It all adds up.
• Don’t forget to forgive yourself for little slip-ups here and there.  Being too strict just makes you miserable in the long run.  Good luck on your budgeting ventures! 

If you are interested in learning more about budgeting and money type issues, check out resources by Dave Ramsey.  He has some great tips to get you started on just about anything.

Maintaining a Budget

Maintaining a budget isn't something we want to do, but it is something we HAVE to do. A budget is extremely important as it helps us get by while getting things we need. Here's a few helpful hints when budgeting and managing household money:

Make a meal plan then a grocery list

Planning your meals out in advance is not only a great way to budget but there is no thinking around when your at the store or making multiple trips. You have your food for the week (or every two) and your done. Prepare them as you wish, but at least they are there.

Keep track of your bills (when they are due and how much)

On bills you have the option to sometimes budget in advance and put money up for them. Especially if they are bills you know you are going to have anyway such as cable, internet, phone, rent, etc.

Keep track of spending

This part can be a little tedious for some (it is for me) but keeping track of what you spend is a huge help on determining where your money is going. I know your probably saying "I know where my money goes" chances are you may not be 100%. Even if your spending it we don't notice that a little here and there can add up to a lot in the end. Keep track of gasoline, grocery spending, out to eat costs, bills, etc. Once you find out where all your money is going you may realize places you can make cuts. 

Prepare your meals

Preparing meals for your family is a huge money saver. You get more with less (and better for everyone also since you know what is going in your food and how it is being prepared). There are so many inexpensive meals that you can make yourself, and by cooking you are getting more for less. Cooking chicken for a family of four with a couple sides is generally cheaper than going to a restaurant and ordering four plates of this or that. And it's healthier for you too.

Explore Generics

If you remember our post awhile back where we compared name brand to store brand this tip will kind of go along with that. Obviously there are some products where the name brand is just better and there's no way around it. However there are a lot of hidden gems in the store brands that you wouldn't even realize. You just have to try them out to find out. At least in the end you know. Buying store brands often saves a lot of money, as I said before a little here and there adds up to quite a bit in the end.

Use coupons and pay attention to sales ads

This one is extremely important. Using coupons can be hassle sometimes especially if you don't have the time to sit and cut them out, organize them, etc. But coupons can save a lot of money. For a quick example: at our last shopping trip I had five coupons for various products. Not many but in total we saved a total of $12.00 in coupons alone. Not including things we got on sale advertised in the store ad.

By paying attention to store ads there are always certain things that are on good deals. It may be something you really like, it may even be a luxury item that you don't necessarily have to have but because it's on sale this time it will fit the budget.

Tip: I often plan our meals AFTER looking at a sales ad. This helps let me know what is on sale and saves money on our shopping trip. On the weeks I do this we are often able to get a few little extras that we couldn't have otherwise fit into the budget.

Research the best prices

You may have a favorite grocery store. You may say you don't need to go to any other store when everything you need is all right there. Why waste the time and energy going to yet another place? Well the answer is simple: you will be saving money.

We usually go to three different stores. Seems like a lot I know, but in reality there have been weeks where we have saved a total of forty or fifty dollars (sometimes more than that when we add up the total savings). It definitely pays for gas to go to those places and we still profit. It's a win win. Paying close attention to normal store prices, researching a bit, paying attention to various ads, and making a detailed grocery list are huge helpers in this.

So if you are tight on money (most of us are these days) there are always ways to cut corners. I could go on and on about ways to save money but I will stop lecturing now. I gave a few good examples and trust me if you keep to them you will see a difference. We for sure do. 

Happy Saving! :)

Friend Alienation~A Mother's Tale by priddymomma

Friend alienation happens when real life begins.  When you are little, say in elementary school, everyone is your friend.  You have class together, you play together, you learn together, you eat together, you do group projects together.  You don't start forming peer groups until you begin to have things that set you apart, like designer clothes, a skateboard, or boobs.  From that point onward, each and every human on the planet feels some form of friend alienation at one time or another. 

I got married at eighteen.  In fact, I was still in high school.  That fact set me apart from my peers from the get-go.  I lost many friends over the next few months.  They couldn’t relate.  Most of them were still giggling behind their hands and trying to decide which boy to go to prom with.  I was married by my senior prom.  I just finished planning a wedding.  What thrill could prom have held for me? 

The following year, my husband and I moved two hours away from pretty much everyone we knew for college.  It was impossible to make friends there.  “What dorm do you live in?”  “Oh, I have an apartment.”  “An apartment?  I didn’t think freshman could have apartments!”  “Well, I’m married, so that’s the exception I guess.”  “You’re MARRIED??”  Honestly, I think it would have went over better if I had told them I had a child out of wedlock, or a second head, or a third nipple.  Anything but being married. 

The following year, we moved to a city much closer to our hometown.  That might have changed things, as people began to visit us and we seemed to be reconnecting with people, but then we got pregnant.  People didn’t even know what to say.  Most of our peers would have viewed it as the end game if they had found out they were pregnant, but we were excited to begin our family.  Friends called and chatted less and less.  No one visited anymore.  I was fat and hormonal and tired.  I was setting up a nursery while they were drinking themselves stupid.  Our priorities were worlds apart.  Once I had Cheerio Champ, the few friends I had managed to hold on to fell off the grid.

We later moved back home.  We reconnected with family for the first time in several years, developing a support system we didn’t previously have.  The friend department wasn’t so great, however.  Drama from past friends just didn’t mean anything to me anymore.  So some boy didn’t call you?  I haven’t slept in two days.  Cry me a river.  It works both ways, mom alienation.  The non-mom friends feel left out and can’t relate just as much as you feel left out and can’t relate.  They didn’t know what to talk with me about, and I didn’t know how to hold a conversation that didn’t include baby talk.   

I think it really dawned on me when a friend visited out of the blue.  I hadn’t showered that day and was dealing with a cranky teething baby, my house was a wreck, and we were trying to get out the door.  When this friend showed up, I was surprised and happy to see her, but I wish she’d called and set up a later date so I could have prepared for that.  As I’m packing a diaper bag feverishly, I’m updating her on some things that have been going on, all of which involve Cheerio Champ, “He’s got four new teeth!  Isn’t that exciting?”  I ask.  “Maybe for you,” she replies, as she smiles and nods.  That really hit home for me.  I realized most of my non-mom friends didn’t give two licks about what my life with kids was like.  I was experiencing all these milestones that meant everything in the world to me, and they just smiled and nodded when I talked about them.  This friend wasn’t being a jerk.  In fact, she’s a really sweet and gentle person.  She was just keeping it real.  She also helped me to realize that I had nothing else to talk about with friends!  I had no hobbies, no job outside the house, no accomplishments that didn’t center around being a mom.  I realized I am more than that, and I wanted to be more than that.  Having other things in my life would allow me to reach out and find common ground in order to make friends.

I started the task of becoming a person again right after Cheerio Champ was weaned, by combining fitness and friends.  I began walking at the park and connecting with friends that had fallen off the grid.  And I started with those I actually gave a crap about.  Just because you have 797 friends on facebook doesn’t mean you have to hang out with all of them in real life or that even half of them like you.  You don’t like them either, don’t worry.  They’re real douche bags, I promise.  If you were to open up your facebook friends page and scroll down it, how many of those people would it hurt you to never see again?  Maybe ten, at the most.  And of those ten, do you know any of their family members?  Hobbies?  Where they work?  If not, cross those off and you are down to at most five.  Five friends.  Most people can count their true friends on one hand, and sometimes those friends are even family members, as depressing as that sounds.  But I realized this and slowly began to reconnect and become a whole person again.

Over the next few years, our friends began to hit the milestones we had already bypassed and grew closer on a relatablility scale (shh.  It's a word if I say it is).  We could talk about kids and diaper rash, bills and debt, husbands and clothes on the floor.  Life got busier and it was easier to not hold it against one another when we didn’t call when we said we would because we passed out on the couch after finishing off our kiddo’s mac n’ cheese dinner. 

After having Princess Cheerio, I grew closer to mommy friends that had started their families later, because now my youngest was close to their kiddos’ ages.  I lost nearly all of my non-mom friends.  It was like they could forgive one kid, but two was just past their limit!  But really, what do we have in common?  People come and go for a reason, and sometimes it’s for the best.  Although, I will say some non-mom friends I still chat with on occasion.  We just connect over other things (Zumba!  great books!) or social media.

I also became alienated from some moms I knew over the years because of their parenting choices or the amount of time and effort they spend on other things while neglecting their kids.  That’s something I can’t understand and refuse to accept.  It’s one thing to be a working mother, but it’s quite another to leave your kid with your mom every weekend so you can go out and get wasted.  But, I digress. 

Now don’t get me wrong.  I did not lose all of my friends from square one.  There are several, I’m happy to say, that are lifelong friends.  They are practically family, and I know that no matter what happens in our lives and how long passes between our conversations, we will be there for each other at the drop of a hat if need be.  And I am so very grateful for those friends of mine.  And of course, I’m also lucky enough to have married the best friend that I ever had.    

My advice to you would be to be yourself.  You don’t want friends who like you for who you are not.  Find hobbies that you love and take a class every now and again.  Combine friends and chores.  Don’t like to go grocery shopping?  Leave the kids with hubby and go with a friend and get some catching up done as well!  Need to exercise?  Walk with a pal or take a fitness class together.  Hate cleaning?  Make a long phone call to a buddy while you wash your dishes or clean your bathroom.  It makes it go by much quicker.  There are also a lot of great websites, like café mom or parenting.com that allow you to connect with other moms and spill your thoughts about parenting and other stresses.   

The truth of the matter is that you don’t have to see someone every day to be their friend.  And you aren’t alone when you feel alone.  Sometimes you have to get out there and make new friends when your old friends aren’t up for the challenge of being there for you.  And that’s okay.  Chances are, years from now, those friends of yours that fell off the grid will be starting up their own families, and guess who they will come running to for advice.  You were just ahead of the curve.  After all, someone had to be first.  ;)

Mom Alienation, losing non-mom friends...

Becoming a mom is life changing. Nothing is the same. You change your whole view of the world, priorities, thoughts, relationships, etc. Nothing is left unaffected.

Having a baby is a beautiful thing, but the very MOMENT you find out you are going to be a mother you aren't the same.
The only bad thing is that your friends become different towards you too. Mainly we are talking about your non-mom friends. Not all of them will do this, but there will be some.
Now this is not to say that the non-mom friends are bad people. Not at all. I guess you have to see it from both perspectives and add the fact that everyone is different.

When I found out I was pregnant all the people close to me were very excited right along with me. However, that quickly changed as I started changing. After all I now was growing a life inside me, I wanted to get ready for the baby. I couldn't go out and party with friends anymore. I still hung out with some of them and we would see movies, go swimming, just hang out, etc. But it wasn't the same.
I was tired often, I no longer wanted to stay out late, I didn't want to drive around, etc. I wanted to go home and crochet baby blankets, I wanted to shop for baby clothes instead of other stuff, etc. It may sound boring but that's just who I became. I didn't think badly of my friends who got to go out and have a good time. I even still enjoyed hearing their stories, but some of them had no interest in hearing mine. Friendship goes both ways, and that's the main thing to remember.

Once I had my first son things some friends separated even more from me. I noticed it but didn't fret too much. We were both different people now. Or as some of them seen it they stayed the same while I changed. I was fine with this, however. No sense in crying over spilled milk. It's sad to lose friends, but if your losing them then they weren't your REAL friends to begin with.
I was told by one friend that our lives were too different and I didn't have the time needed to hang out. I was now boring and just because I changed didn't mean they were going to. But she didn't look at the fact I was a new mom with a newborn to take care of. I didn't want to leave my baby and go party. I had diapers and wipes to buy, doctor appointments to attend. Sleep was now a precious commodity, no longer a right but a luxury.
But one thing I quickly learned is this golden rule:

You win some, you lose some.

This can easily be applied to mommy hood. While you will inevitably lose some of your non-mom friends as you are changing you will gain some new mom friends. And don't forget your TRUE friends will be around for you no matter what the situation. They will learn to adapt to your lifestyle and you still need to remember to make time for them. Involve them in stuff and when you can do some stuff they want to do. Let your partner have some daddy/child time and go out with your friends for a little bit. Call your friends and keep in touch via text/email/etc. And make sure they make time for you too. Have them over for movie night, let them accompany you to the park when you take your kiddos, invite them to birthday's, etc. Your friendships don't have to stop just because your a mom. Your true friends will stick around, they will respect the fact that your life has changed and they will still be there. They will listen to all your parenting stories from dirty diapers to lack of sleep. They won't care you have spit up on your shirt (which does happen more often than you think). Fact of the matter is when it comes to true friends you may even go months without talking but when you finally get back to it, it won't be awkward or different. You'll be able to pick right back up where you left off and both parties will be understanding.

One thing that's important is to keep your friendships many. I have friends that have older children, friends that have no children, friends that have younger children. As a mother they have all contributed to me in so many ways from helpful hints and tips to inspiration. I have been able to pass down handy tips and tricks and I have had tips and tricks passed down to me.

Even if your losing some friends you will gain more, and the true ones will stay.

Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship after having Kids~priddymomma

As a busy mother, I struggle to find time to visit family and friends, fit in a regular fitness activity, and take a shower.  It’s hard to find time to use the bathroom by myself, let alone finding the time and energy to shower my spouse with love.  Yet I do it.  I take time for my spouse, just as surely and reliably as I replace batteries in my smoke detectors.  A relationship is like a plant.  It needs nurturing to prosper and grow.  Just because you have exchanged your vows or found The One doesn’t mean you get to quit working.  If you bought your dream car, it wouldn’t run on hopes and dreams.  It still needs gas, people!  Just like that dream car, your relationship won’t take you anywhere if you don’t fuel it.

One of the best things to ever happen to my husband and I as a couple was reading "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.  In his book, Chapman discusses how everyone has their very own way of expressing and receiving love.  Though we love our spouse or lover, and though we express it, if we don’t speak the same love language, then the message is lost.  The five love languages are words of affirmation (compliments or supporting words), acts of service (love comes through loud and clear if you just take out the trash!), receiving gifts (gifts=love), quality time (undivided attention), and physical touch (need to touch to feel loved).  After reading the book, hubby and I realized that we were constantly attempting to show love to each other, but we were speaking different languages.  I would annoy him by sticking my feet under his butt while we were on the couch.  All I really wanted was to show him love by touching, but he didn’t get the message that way.  He needed words of affirmation.  And hubby would bring home some flowers (receiving gifts) or do an errand on the way home (acts of service), but I would be upset that he didn’t come straight home after work.  I spoke the love language of quality time.  We still hit and miss every now and again, but we realize what is happening and recognize that not only do we need to try the right love language, but that we really are showing love for each other anyway.  There’s a quiz on Chapman’s website to discover your love language.  I highly suggest taking it with your spouse.  (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/)

Once you know your love language, the work is still not over (hint: it never will be).  Now you need to find ways to express your love through your spouse or lover’s love language.  Here are some ideas to strengthen your bond:

• Text them.  Almost everyone has a cell phone these days, and people that do not can send messages on facebook or by email.  Mention a bit about your day, tell your love you were just thinking of them, that you love them, what you plan to make for dinner, what you plan to do after the kids go to bed…you get the picture.  Use your imagination.  I sent my husband a joke today, because I thought he might need cheering up after running late this morning.

• Be faithful.  I mean that in the obvious context with the whole don’t-cheat-on-them thing, but I also mean that in all things.  Your love needs to know you believe in them.  If they have a dream, don’t knock it.  Encourage it!  Buy them something to push them towards their goals, or carve out a piece of time for them to do so.  Let them try to fix the washer!  If someone talks down about them in your presence, stand up for them.  Talk about them in the best ways to family and friends and keep your private moments private.  Don’t fight over facebook where everyone can see it.  You are meant to present a untied front to the world.  Making it public breeds hostility and can only go in a downward direction.  And use kind words with each other, even when you’re angry.  Don’t say “you always” or “you never” when those are generalizations that aren’t really true.  Don’t call them an asshole, even when you really want to.  Not even then.  Later, they will remember and have a hard time letting it go.  If you love them, show them you love them even when you disagree with them or when they let you down.  They aren't perfect, and neither are you.  Glass houses.

• DATE!!!  It makes me so very sad that people in long-term relationships quit dating.  You need to date more when in a long-term relationship than you do when you’ve just been dating someone a few weeks!  It keeps the romance alive!  It helps you focus time on just each other for a while, especially after jobs and kids.  Hubby and I go on two dates out a month, during which my mother watches the kids.  We have a date nearly every Saturday night also.  We just stay in and plan at the beginning of the week what we’re going to do that evening.  It could be as simple as baking together, having dinner together, or popping in a television series on DVD.  The point is that we are taking time to dedicate to our relationship.  And not every date has to be spectacular, and you don’t have to have a new-found love for each other every time you hold hands.  Sometimes, sure, but most of the time you are just decompressing and reconnecting.  Don’t feel guilty about taking the time from your kids.  They need a break from you too, and I totally agree with Tori on this:  your kids learn relationship skills from you.  Consider that.  What kind of relationship and marriage would you like for your sons and daughters?  I doubt you want a name-calling, bickering, blow-off for their spouse.  Kids learn by watching you. 

• Take care of them.  Set out their work clothes, bake a favorite recipe, pick up something needed from the grocery without them asking, fill up the gas tank or wash the car.  The options are endless.  When they know you were thinking about them while they weren’t around, they will feel loved.

• Be intimate!  Sex.  Yes.  It’s one of the most important things to a man, and one of the best ways to reconnect.  All those feel-good hormones and cuddling go a long way towards a happy home.  And I agree with Tori (again):  do it even if you don’t totally feel like it.  Chances are, you’ll change your mind.  And make a sex date too!  Plan ahead of time when you are going to make love so that you can both look forward to it all day, and you are less likely to make excuses or miss the time to do so (plus, you know when to shave!  Always a bonus!).

• Sex begins in the kitchen.  This is especially for all the men out there, though women, you need to know it too:  if you don’t take care of and do for your lover throughout the day, she will not take care of and do for you throughout the night.  If you watched the game rather than take her out to dinner, take care of the kids, or take out the trash, do not expect that she will be in the mindset to entertain your fantasies that evening.  Even if she didn’t feel upset about it at the time, she won’t be feeling extra loved.  If you take care of her, she will take care of you. 

• Don’t go to bed angry.  Whatever issues you have with one another, don’t take it to bed with you.  Forgive one another before turning in.  Resentment festers.  And I don’t know about you, but I can’t sleep a wink when I’m angry, but hubby can.  So then I just lay there and stare at his stupid face and get angrier an angrier until I wake him up and we finish the fight anyway.  Admit if you are wrong!  There’s no room for pride in a partnership.  You have to be vulnerable to one another, and you have to work together. 

• And for heaven’s sake, sleep in the same bed!  None of this separate beds or sleeping on the couch nonsense.  You are adults.  You can figure out how to share a bed!  It’s important as a bonding tool.  If you don’t share a bed, how likely are you to cross a room to initiate sex?  Come on!  If your lover is all over the bed, get a bigger bed!  You can learn to sleep together just like you can learn to show love to one another.  And if he’s willing to share a bed with you and put up with your snores, ladies, that’s true love right there.

• Laugh together.  Tell jokes, tickle fight, share funny stores, watch a comedy, enjoy fail videos on youtube, whatever!  Laughing time=bonding time.  Life would be so boring without laughter.  It elevates your mood and prolongs your life.

I hope you have found some useful information here that you can put to good use and to love your spouse or lover more fully.  It’s a lot of work to have a healthy relationship, but the payout is beyond amazing.  There’s no feeling in the world as comforting as knowing that there is always someone there for you, and that they will have your back no matter what happens.  You get that kind of security by loving one another and taking time to see what made your relationship so special to begin with.  Don't forget that one day your kids will be grown and gone.  The only person left with you will be your lover.  If you take care of your relationship, those can be some of the best years of your lives.

Keeping The Spark In Your Relationship After Having Kids

Keeping the spark in your relationship is so important. I know your probably grumbling: "I barely have the time for myself, let alone my partner. They just need to understand". But it just isn't that easy. Trust me I know the feeling, I have felt those thoughts. As a mother to two boys 5 and under my time is crazy! It's always hectic, chores are constant, errands are endless, the list doesn't end. At the end of the day I'm practically asleep before my head hits the pillow.

But there's one other person that we must remember, and that is our partner.

They need our love and affection every bit as much as our children need it, and here's an eye opener: we need our partner's affection back! 

Being a parent doesn't mean all the romance is sucked out of you. It's still there, even if it is buried a little deeper than before. You still have a marriage to nurture, and you still have a partner you love that loves you back. In fact it's going to benefit your children as well because they will probably even pick up on great relationship skills when they see how loving mommy and daddy are to each other.

Here's a few tips to keep your relationship filled with fireworks:

• Small gestures throughout the day

You don't have to go out and buy gifts to surprise your partner with. Those things are all nice sure (hubby if your reading this, it would be awesome if you get me some m&m's and surprise me with them. Just kidding. lol)
All joking aside take some time out of some of your days to do something sweet and romantic. Write a little note and stick it where your partner is bound to see it. It can even be on a post-it and be as simple as: " I love you, I hope you have a great day! xoxo"  or even "Your a great husband and father" or for you dads out there reading this "You are a great mother and wife, I appreciate all you do" or "I love you"
You get the idea right? Or even just keeping in touch with a sweet phone call while your at work or on break. It's just simple things to let your partner know you are thinking about them and you love them.

• Have a date night

It doesn't have to be every week but at least twice a month is probably a good idea. The possibilites for this are endless. If you have the option for someone to watch your kids you two can always get out of the house. Go do something fun just the two of you.
If you can't get out of the house or are a budget you can rent a movie, plan a game, feed the kids something simple and quick, get them to bed early and eat a quiet candle lit dinner just the two of you after the kiddos are asleep.
Just as long as your staying connected and getting in some personal time with each other. Just because your parents doesn't mean you don't deserve a little time for the two of you to be alone.

• Be affectionate

Kiss each other, hug each other, hold hands, compliment each other. Nothing has changed just because you are parents. Be in love! It will strengthen your relationship, your parenting skills, and your mood!

• Do something spontaneous

Try doing something out of the ordinary every now and again. Bake your partner something special, surprise them with a meal at work, give them a back rub at the end of the day, plan a special day and let it be a surprise. Possibilities are endless and this keeps things in the relationship fun and fresh. Plus it is always so fun to see the look on someone's face when you surprise them with something out of the ordinary.

• Make sex a priority

I probably surprised you with this one right? I'm not trying to make anyone uncomfortable but this is one of the main issues in most relationships. Those kiddos didn't make themselves after all.
Even if your tired and have had a hard day that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a little one on one fun time with your partner. Even if you don't feel like it at first doesn't mean you won't enjoy it. Sex relieves stress, helps you sleep better, and brings your closer together. You and your partner both need this time. You aren't monks after all. Enjoy life!

• Do things you did before you had kids

If you had a fun activity you liked doing together before children, don't lose it! Cook together, hike together, boat together, keep those same common interests. Seduce each other, pamper each other now and again, compliment each other, etc.

• Reminisce

Remember why you fell in love with your spouse, re-count old memories of fun times you have shared together. This helps remind you why you fell in love with your partner and it helps you stay insanely in love. Plus it's fun to remember the good memories, there are always more to come but that doesn't mean you have to forget past ones.

• Contribute to one another

Being a parent is hard work, so it's important to work together. If one parent feels like they are doing all the work it can cause resentment in a marriage. You don't want that, it will drive you apart eventually and lead to unhappiness. Instead help each other. Each parent should have certain duties, and sometimes you can even swap those duties. It keeps each parent from feeling overwhelmed and refreshes them in the process.

• Communicate

Communication is key in parenting, relationships, friendships, etc. It's a given that you need to talk to each other constantly. Talk about your relationship, even if you've been married for fifty years you still aren't able to read each others minds (at least not fully anyway). Instead of nagging be assertive and tell one another what you want. Ask each other questions about their day to let them know you are interested and care. There are so many ways to keep the communication boat flowing. Just don't let the wind stop carrying it along.

• Count your blessings

You have a partner that loves you, you have children that adore you. You are very lucky. Don't lose sight of what you have in front of you. You are very blessed. 

Hopefully some of these tips will help you out. Trust me keeping the spark in your relationship after having kids is a necessity. It may not always be easy but it's going to be fun, and your going to be as in love as ever. You both need this time together. Kids are not meant to pull each other apart but rather bring one another closer together. Just as your kids need time with their parents you need time with your partner. Keeping a good relationship with one another will show your children they have two solid, stable, parents that love each other. They will learn good skills they will carry their whole lives, and when they bring their own spouse and kids to your seventieth anniversary they will have so many great stories to tell about how you two have been in love since before they can remember.

Sleep Schedules and Bedtime Routines~priddymomma

In a perfect world, our bedtime routine would work like this:

6:00 p.m. – Dinner

7:00 p.m. – Princess Cheerio gets a bath

                  Cheerio Champ reads quietly by himself

                  After bath routine for Princess Cheerio and story time with daddy

7:30 p.m. – Cuddle, rock, and read time for mommy and Princess Cheerio

                  Cheerio Champ gets a shower

                  Story time for Cheerio Champ

8:00 p.m. – Bed time

8:30 p.m. – Kids are asleep

Wake up time next morning:  8 a.m.

Princess Cheerio naps 1-2 hours during the day

The smoothness of our evening routine is extremely dependent upon the time we have dinner.  If dinner isn’t on until 6:30 or 7, obviously the kids aren’t going to be to bed on time.  That means that I need to be starting dinner at five o’clock sharp every day.  That realistically just doesn’t happen.  For instance, we hike at a local park three days a week.  We don’t usually leave the park until 5:30 or 6:00.  When they get to bed late, we let them sleep in the next morning.  I realize not everyone can do this, but we home school, so it works for us.

I have several pieces of advice for the moms and dads out there: 

• You MUST have a schedule.  I don’t mean just a bedtime schedule.  I mean a set time to have meals and play time and naps and the whole nine yards.  Kids feel more secure when they know exactly what comes next, and you feel more sane when your kids know what is expected of them at any given time of the day. 

• It’s okay to be off schedule sometimes.  Adjust as needed.  Life is more fun if you can be spontaneous sometimes.  (BABOON!  See?  Fun!)  Also, realize that as your child’s needs change, your schedule should change too.

• Kids need to relax before bed.  I’m betting you don’t run around your house screaming and making fart sounds, jump in a quick shower, and then settle right down to fall asleep.  That is what a lot of parents are asking of their kiddos!  I like to get ready for bed, cuddle, talk quietly, and read a bit before bed.  That’s what my kids like too.  You can try doing other quiet activities if you prefer, such as putting together a puzzle, singing, or looking at a photo album.  I suggest you steer clear of media devices.  TV stimulates, and the blue light from other gadgets has been shown to dissolve sleepy feelings in loads of studies.  Baths are great for relaxing, but some kids get more excited when playing in the water.  If your child seems to be one of them, move the bath to the morning routine.

• My son has to have a night light or have the bedroom door cracked open and the hall light on.  Kids like to wake up and see a familiar environment before settling back in for sleep. 

• My daughter MUST have her taggie blankie before going to sleep.  It has to be the one I made her, mind.  The store bought one isn’t a good substitute, as I found out to my chagrin one day when it needed a wash.  Try letting your little one take a lovey to bed, and it can make all the difference.

Yep.  Taggie blankie.

• For infants, some absolutely love being swaddled.  My son couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t swaddled or in the baby swing for quite some time.

• DO NOT COMPROMISE ABOUT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED!  I know so many parents that have landed themselves in this trap.  They always say to me, “How on Earth did you get them to sleep in their own beds?!”  And I always say, “Because I didn’t let them think sleeping in mine was ever an option.  Period.”  I know there are families that practice bed sharing and all that, and I respect that, but I also think it is important for your kids to know that you deserve your own space as well.

• Get in plenty of exercise during the day!  Remember up at the top where I mentioned we get the kids to bed late some nights because of hiking trips to the park?  That is a compromise we’re willing to make to ensure the health of our family unit.  Not only are we getting physical exercise, but we get a mental break each time we step into nature.  We communicate more effectively and stress a lot less.  The kids are better behaved the next day, and I have more patience to run off.  So what if it means getting the kids to bed a bit later?  The long term pros outweigh the cons.  And you can bet you never sleep as well as after a good sweat session.  Even Princess Cheerio sleeps better, though I’m not really sure why as she’s carried in a backpack carrier the entire time, but there you go!

  

  Exercise!

No matter how good your little one sleeps, keep in mind that there will be times over the years that he or she won’t sleep worth beans.  There are many different causes, ranging from teething or illness to physical/cognitive leaps and bedroom temperatures not being quite perfect.  (Maybe even karmic payback for the hell you put your own mother through!  Who knows?)  On those occasions, good luck!  You’ll need a different post!  :D