Keeping the spark in your relationship is so important. I know your probably grumbling: "I barely have the time for myself, let alone my partner. They just need to understand". But it just isn't that easy. Trust me I know the feeling, I have felt those thoughts. As a mother to two boys 5 and under my time is crazy! It's always hectic, chores are constant, errands are endless, the list doesn't end. At the end of the day I'm practically asleep before my head hits the pillow.
But there's one other person that we must remember, and that is our partner.
They need our love and affection every bit as much as our children need it, and here's an eye opener: we need our partner's affection back!
Being a parent doesn't mean all the romance is sucked out of you. It's still there, even if it is buried a little deeper than before. You still have a marriage to nurture, and you still have a partner you love that loves you back. In fact it's going to benefit your children as well because they will probably even pick up on great relationship skills when they see how loving mommy and daddy are to each other.
Here's a few tips to keep your relationship filled with fireworks:
- Small gestures throughout the day
You don't have to go out and buy gifts to surprise your partner with. Those things are all nice sure (hubby if your reading this, it would be awesome if you get me some m&m's and surprise me with them. Just kidding. lol)
All joking aside take some time out of some of your days to do something sweet and romantic. Write a little note and stick it where your partner is bound to see it. It can even be on a post-it and be as simple as:
" I love you, I hope you have a great day! xoxo" or even
"Your a great husband and father" or for you dads out there reading this
"You are a great mother and wife, I appreciate all you do" or
"I love you"You get the idea right? Or even just keeping in touch with a sweet phone call while your at work or on break. It's just simple things to let your partner know you are thinking about them and you love them.
It doesn't have to be every week but at least twice a month is probably a good idea. The possibilites for this are endless. If you have the option for someone to watch your kids you two can always get out of the house. Go do something fun just the two of you.
If you can't get out of the house or are a budget you can rent a movie, plan a game, feed the kids something simple and quick, get them to bed early and eat a quiet candle lit dinner just the two of you after the kiddos are asleep.
Just as long as your staying connected and getting in some personal time with each other. Just because your parents doesn't mean you don't deserve a little time for the two of you to be alone.
Kiss each other, hug each other, hold hands, compliment each other. Nothing has changed just because you are parents. Be in love! It will strengthen your relationship, your parenting skills, and your mood!
Try doing something out of the ordinary every now and again. Bake your partner something special, surprise them with a meal at work, give them a back rub at the end of the day, plan a special day and let it be a surprise. Possibilities are endless and this keeps things in the relationship fun and fresh. Plus it is always so fun to see the look on someone's face when you surprise them with something out of the ordinary.
I probably surprised you with this one right? I'm not trying to make anyone uncomfortable but this is one of the main issues in most relationships. Those kiddos didn't make themselves after all.
Even if your tired and have had a hard day that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a little one on one fun time with your partner. Even if you don't feel like it at first doesn't mean you won't enjoy it. Sex relieves stress, helps you sleep better, and brings your closer together. You and your partner both need this time. You aren't monks after all. Enjoy life!
- Do things you did before you had kids
If you had a fun activity you liked doing together before children, don't lose it! Cook together, hike together, boat together, keep those same common interests. Seduce each other, pamper each other now and again, compliment each other, etc.
Remember why you fell in love with your spouse, re-count old memories of fun times you have shared together. This helps remind you why you fell in love with your partner and it helps you stay insanely in love. Plus it's fun to remember the good memories, there are always more to come but that doesn't mean you have to forget past ones.
- Contribute to one another
Being a parent is hard work, so it's important to work together. If one parent feels like they are doing all the work it can cause resentment in a marriage. You don't want that, it will drive you apart eventually and lead to unhappiness. Instead help each other. Each parent should have certain duties, and sometimes you can even swap those duties. It keeps each parent from feeling overwhelmed and refreshes them in the process.
Communication is key in parenting, relationships, friendships, etc. It's a given that you need to talk to each other constantly. Talk about your relationship, even if you've been married for fifty years you still aren't able to read each others minds (at least not fully anyway). Instead of nagging be assertive and tell one another what you want. Ask each other questions about their day to let them know you are interested and care. There are so many ways to keep the communication boat flowing. Just don't let the wind stop carrying it along.
You have a partner that loves you, you have children that adore you. You are very lucky. Don't lose sight of what you have in front of you. You are very blessed.
Hopefully some of these tips will help you out. Trust me keeping the spark in your relationship after having kids is a necessity. It may not always be easy but it's going to be fun, and your going to be as in love as ever. You both need this time together. Kids are not meant to pull each other apart but rather bring one another closer together. Just as your kids need time with their parents you need time with your partner. Keeping a good relationship with one another will show your children they have two solid, stable, parents that love each other. They will learn good skills they will carry their whole lives, and when they bring their own spouse and kids to your seventieth anniversary they will have so many great stories to tell about how you two have been in love since before they can remember.
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