Uh oh...we're talking about...SEX! *gasps*

When I was pregnant with my first son I of course thought of a million things I had ahead of me. One of those things was the inevitable sex talk that would come when my son was in the pre-teen years. But one thing I wasn't quite prepared for was that particular talk wasn't going to fully wait until then.
Let's face it, kids have questions, they are curious. And you are not going to be able to avoid that particular talk until the pre-teen/teen years. And you do not want to wait and let school teach your child about sex. I have heard many stories that some parents actually do rely on a school to have that talk with their children. Many figure well that's what sex education classes are for right? WRONG! You do not want your child walking around unaware of everything. I'm not saying go full hog and sit your toddler or elementary aged child down and have the whole talk with them at once. But let them know what their body parts are called. And let them know what they are for and that it is not okay for anyone to touch them there. Let them know they do not have to be ashamed of their body or their body parts but there is a time and a place for bringing up those subjects.

A lot of parents get worried to even tell their children a correct term for their body parts like penis, vagina, breasts, testicles, etc. But it's nothing to be embarrassed about and it's nothing to be ashamed about. It's awkward to talk about more than anything, but just push past that feeling. When you get nervous and uncomfortable and try to cover up the actual name for these parts then your children could pick up on that and be embarrassed also. Not to mention they won't be getting accurate information. And that's not good, you want them to be comfortable with themselves, and they need to understand.
Because girls and boys alike are going to be curious about their parts and how they differ from other childrens. They want to know what certain things are for and why they have them, and it's up to you to give them that information. My kids know the names of their body parts, and they know that nobody other than mom/dad/themselves/doctors are allowed to touch them there. And when they have questions just answer them. My oldest son asked where babies come from recently and how they get in and out of a woman's belly. He also asked why boys can't have babies. I explained these things to him in a way he can easily understand. About how men have sperm and women have ovaries and eggs. How the sperm and egg meet and make a baby. How boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, and only girls carry babies. Once I answered his questions he didn't ask any further questions, but both our boys know they can ask questions. They know it's natural to be curious. I don't want to send them out in the world and have their questions answered by anyone else.

If you consider something taboo and you don't broach the subject or answer questions as they come up then you are just teaching your children that they should be ashamed of their bodies. Not only that but when the time comes for them to make a decision they may not have all the facts to make a decision. Kids are a lot smarter than many people give them credit for.

So don't be ashamed to talk to your child about sex and body parts. It's important that you answer any questions they have, and give them the facts in a way they can understand. Don't recite from a book but really talk to them and listen to them. Don't send them out in the world curious and unprepared because you don't know what kind of answers they could get from someone else. It's our job to teach them. It's not something to be ashamed of, don't be embarrassed.
And you will probably find that if you answer the questions they have now and at least teach them the basics that your future "talk" won't be as bad as your dreading it to be.

The birds and the bees~priddymomma

Hey guys!  Thanks for tuning in with us!  We’re discussing the birds and the bees this week.  While I’m sure you have had THE TALK with your folks at some point (as this is a parenting blog with most likely parent readers), you might be uncomfortable having the same discussion with your kids.

Personally, I feel this country has a huge problem with labeling things as taboo, sweeping them under the rug, and pretending they don’t exist.  While companies might be okay with marketing sex, the general population still avoids the concept at the dinner table.  Do you have a little boy?  How did you feel the first time you noticed he had an erection?  How about your daughter?  Are you uncomfortable when she explores herself during bath time? 

{In case you are new, I’m blunt.  By now, you’ve probably noticed.}

I have a problem with making sex a taboo topic.  Sex is a wonderful thing under the right circumstances.  It brings people closer, expresses love, creates life, and feels good.  There is nothing wrong with it.  It is a natural thing.  It is your job to teach your kids about that. 

Here’s the problem:  it makes people uncomfortable.  I know you do NOT want to think of your sweet baby ever having sex, but it isn’t like plugging your ears and humming is going to change the fact that most people have sex at some point in time.  While you teach them what sex does, you don’t want to encourage them to do it right away!  I get that; however, the solution is to make it LESS taboo, not more so.

 

too much?

Do you want your kids to grow up to be polite, intelligent, honest people?  Sure you do!  Are you planning to wait until they are about to leave the house to teach them how to be polite, intelligent, and honest?  Heck no!  You are probably teaching them RIGHT NOW! 

Bingo!  Teach them now.  Teach them right now every day just the way you teach them to love and how to sing their ABCs.  “But Heather!  I could not talk to my son/daughter about sex!  He/she is 2/3/4/5/6 years old!”  Ahh.  I’m willing to bet you already have.  (Quit looking so scandalized!)  What does your child call his or her private anatomy?  You had to, at some point, make a decision on what to call those pieces when asked or when describing potty training.  Sex starts with having the right parts, does it not? 

Maybe you’ve had more of the talk than you’ve realized.  Have you talked about privacy?  Maybe you’ve mentioned that no one is allowed to touch private parts except mom/dad and the doctor/childcare provider?  Perhaps you’ve even had to make a decision on approaching your child about masturbation? 

Just for fun background, I’ll brief you on what my kids know.  Cheerio Champ is six.  When I was pregnant with Princess Cheerio, we checked out some books at the library and discussed pregnancy and babies.  He learned that sperm and egg make baby.  Babies grow in mom’s belly (I taught him uterus, but it didn’t stick.  Belly was easier for him to understand at that age) and then come out when they are too big to be in there anymore.  He had questions.  “How does the sperm get there?”  Daddy put it there.  He never asked how.  “Can I have a baby in my belly?”  No, honey.  Only women have babies.  He never asked how the baby got out.  And that was it!  Not painful at all!

Since that time, Cheerio Champ has learned that sometimes women don’t want to have babies and get medicine from the doctor to prevent pregnancy.  He knows that touching himself feels good and that if he wants to do that, it is okay, but he has to do it in his bedroom with the door closed or in the bathroom when no one else is in there.  He knows it isn’t polite to touch himself in front of anyone else.  He knows he is supposed to tell us if someone other than mom or dad or his doctor touches him there and that he is to never touch anyone else in their private areas either.  We recently discussed how people don’t usually enjoy being ogled while they are naked.  {By “people,” I meant me, and by “while they are naked,” I meant while I am toweling off after using my glass shower, why are you in my bathroom again??!}  It is a constant learning adventure! 

Princess Cheerio is only two.  She calls her private parts by the appropriate names (even though screaming “-GINA”, as she calls it, makes even me look like a prude, or like a giggling schoolgirl, depending on the circumstance).  She also knows that exploring herself is not polite to do in front of others.  This is a more recent conversation.  And the little lady likes her privacy (especially from her brother) when she tinkles.     

I’m not telling you to swing out the textbooks and videos and describe STIs (previously STDs) and contraceptives to a three year old.  I’m telling you to do your best to open the discussion with your kids by answering any questions they have as they crop up.  Make sure they know that you can and will talk with them about anything always, no matter what the topic, without fear of ridicule or judgment.  Explain topics in a way they can understand at that age range.  Use things they see on television, youtube, or ads as learning tools to opening the door for important discussions.  Make sure the information they have is accurate, kick up your feet, and know that you are doing your job without THE TALK looming in the future.