Homeschooling vs. Public Schooling - Leslie

I will start out by saying that I have zero judgment towards parents who choose homeschool over public school, public school over homeschool, private school, or no traditional schooling at all. There are so many factors that go into deciding our child's education and not all of them are things we can do much about. Also, my saying "public school" throughout this post really means any kind of organized, get up in the morning and go to a building where there is a staff that would teach my child rather than doing it myself. I KNOW it's not all considered to be public. But for the sake of convenience, I will use it that way.

That said, the school system in my area is absolutely terrible. So much so that I wish I could take my school-aged niece and nephew out of it and homeschool them myself. A will not be going to public school, and ESPECIALLY not if we are still in this area when she is that age. However, even if we move I don't think I will put her in school. I have always loved the idea of homeschooling. We get to choose the curriculum, the trips, the activities. We can do things during "school hours" that we wouldn't normally be able to do. It would be less hectic, and A would get a lot more out of what she's learning because we will be able to teach her the way she learns best.

I love, even now, being able to teach A at the pace she is ready to learn at. She is doing A LOT of things at 2 1/2 years old that most 4 and 5-year-olds are just now learning in school, and with other things she's not quite progressing as quickly. In public school, she would be hindered in both directions. She wouldn't be allowed to blossom fully where her strengths are concerned and she wouldn't be given the time and attention to learn what she may struggle with. To have a scale from below average, to average, to gifted (as a public school does) doesn't really give kids a chance. Some kids learn faster than others, and not everyone can comprehend something the same way, but they are all put through and all are expected to perform the same, which doesn't happen and that approach is ineffective. I believe that most of the kids who struggle in school would benefit if they stopped trying to keep everyone at the same level and just worked with them on an individual basis. 

I want A to have the best possible chance at a good education, and I know I can provide that for her. I won't let her education be a competition to see who is the smartest and who will go into the dumb kid class. No child is dumb, but some are made to feel that way because no one will take the time to figure out what THEY need to succeed. I don't think public education would be a bad idea if more people cared about making it the best it can be, and making sure EVERY student has a shot. The teachers who care, and the parents who want the best for their child need more support and people need to see that these kids ARE our future. Though, I guess that would be getting more into politics and investing in education what with having enough teachers and enough money to be able to do all of those things. That is a topic for another time.

Every parent has to make that decision for their child and their family. I choose homeschooling, because I feel that it will give A what she needs to do the best that she can. I choose to take responsibility for her education because while there are SO many wonderful and hard-working educators out there trying to give kids the best, there are too many who just don't care. I'm not willing to put A's future in the hands of those people. What better way to ensure my daughter has a good education than being taught by someone who knows her the best? Me. 

If you are interested in homeschooling or just want more information, here is a good resource:

http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/default.asp

If you have any topic suggestions, please pass them along to thecaseofthemissingcheerio@gmail.com 

Fanatics and Superhumans~priddymomma

First, a confession:

I have been procrastinating.  I had plenty of time the rest of the week to get this typed up, but I waited until the day I should be posting it to get to work.  Now I’m up at six in the morning, WITHOUT COFFEE, trying to get this done before my house turns into a very merry unbirthday party.  Now, you probably have two questions:  1.) Why have I been procrastinating?  and 2.) Why on Earth would I be without coffee?  What is wrong with me? (Okay fanatics.  That’s three questions.  Get off me). 

Sweet, delicious tease.  Curses!

In answer to your second question, I’m attempting to give up coffee.  I love coffee, but I’m quite addicted to it.  I’m to the point where I don’t even enjoy it anymore.  I’ll drink warm urine-tasting coffee and complain the entire time about how it tastes, but I will still finish it.  Alas!  In answer to your illegal third question, they still haven’t found the answers, but they are out there somewhere.

I’ve been procrastinating, because I have too much to say.  My opinions are strong ones, and they are not necissarily representative of anyone but myself.  I hope you find this post helpful.  Here we go.

Home-school vs. Public School

Being a teacher is one of our primary jobs as parents, regardless of whether we chose home-school or public school.  We start teaching our kids the moment we bring them into the world.  We teach them how and what to eat.  We teach them how to love.  We move on with language and potty training and what not, but the point is that from the first day, they look to us to know how the world works.  A lot of parents hear that we home-school and they immediately respond with, “oh, I could never do that!”  Their reasons are usually that they are afraid they’d leave something out or not be smart enough.  What they fail to realize is that they have been teaching their kids from day one!  Moving on to academics is just an easy canter from there. 

Eh.  Not my color.

I went to public school, got an edumacation, and turned into a well-adjusted adult (QUIT LAUGHING!).  I made amazing friends, had wonderful experiences, and really liked many of my teachers.  If I could go back, I would definitely do it again.  Public school can be a wonderful option.  There are great schools out there and great teachers!  The friends your kid makes are vital to his or her growth.  Being away from mom and dad is an important step in gaining independence.  All of that is fantastic.

We chose to home-school. 

Safety was a factor in our decision to home-school.  As a parent, I worry constantly about my child’s safety.  I don’t need to put it down in words all the things to worry about.  I feel like I need to worry a lot less when my kids are home with me, where I can see them and/or hear them at all times.  I know what they’re eating, wearing, doing, and whom they are associating with because I have pre-approved of these aspects.

Another factor was curriculum.  In a home-school setting, you can follow your child’s lead.  If he or she is excelling at a fast pace, move on quickly.  If he or she is struggling, you can afford to take the time.  We as a society push our kids so hard, and we rarely give them a choice in the matter.  Kids are naturally curious and want to learn.  I believe that if the information is there or is presented in the right way, kids will jump at the chance to learn all they can about a subject.  Right now, Cheerio Champ is really interested in presidents.  He’s memorized all of them (I only taught him the first eight!).  In fact, he’s asking for more information to keep learning.  Not only is he learning an astonishing amount (all 44 presidents at age four!), but I’m learning as well.  I learn/relearn my facts before presenting them to him, and then we watch movies, read books, or explore websites together and learn more.  He’s learning and so am I.  I’m teaching him valuable research skills and providing him with a lifelong love of learning.  And there is ample opportunity to become closer through our experience.  The fact that we love homeschooling has been the primary reason we continue to do it. 

Another of our biggest reasons for homeschooling is time.  If my son went to public school, when would I see him?  He’d have to get up earlier than he does now in order to catch a bus to go to school.  He wouldn’t get home until around the time my husband usually gets home from work, leaving us with one hour before I had to start dinner, followed by eating dinner, shower, and bed.  During dinner prep, he would likely be completing homework/running around like a crazy person.  The weekends would be our primary time together, which wouldn’t leave him with much time with his father at all, as hubby works on Saturdays.  Yes, I would have more time to myself during the day, but at what cost?  Sure, it would be easier to just take care of my youngest during school hours, but it would be less enjoyable too.  Some of the most rewarding parts of my day would be missing.  We have much more family time this way.  (We usually don’t do homeschooling on my husband’s days off.  We home-school four days a week nearly all year, for two to three hours a day. )

How can you choose between homeschooling and public schooling?  Here are some factors to consider:

• How good are the schools in your area?  If they aren’t up to your standards, are you willing to drive week days to another school?
• Do you have the time to home-school?  Are you a stay-at-home parent, or do you work a 40 + hour week?
• Do you want to teach your child from home?  If not, don’t!  There are other options.  Don’t want to home-school or public school?  Try charter or private!
• How deep are your anxieties about the things your child will be exposed to at public school?  Will this affect your sleep and daily life? 
• Where are you at financially?  Home-school does not equal free school!  There are a lot of things you can do for free, but somewhere you will have to drop some money.  Public school offers tuition assistance programs to those that need them. 
• Do your kids have severe food allergies?  I personally would never allow my kids out of my sight if they had a food allergy, so I’m including this here as a precaution.  Your kids can take their lunch to school, but what’s to stop them from trading lunches or sharing food at a classroom party?
• What do your kiddos want?  Are they already in school and love it?  Do they have a lot of friends or want to make friends? 
• How important is religion in your home?  Do you have the time to teach all that you want to teach about religion while your child attends public school?

I have another bullet, but I’ll make a paragraph to elaborate instead.  How do you feel about being constantly judged and possibly ridiculed?  People feel very strongly about the education they are providing for their children.  If you don’t measure up to their standards, they will not hesitate to tell you.  Oftentimes, people seem to take it as a personal insult if you home-school while they send their kids to public school.  Also, there is still a social stigma associated with homeschooling.  First, people believe that if you home-school, you are either snobs that don’t want your kids associating with the general population, crazy cult religious people, red-necks that don’t believe in education, Quakers, or you have too many kids to count.  People are constantly asking us to justify our choice to home-school.  Why should we have to?

 I should point out there is another side as well.  There are parents out there that hear you home-school and treat you like you are some kind of superhuman.  They hear you home-school and immediately feel the need to justify why they do not, usually elaborating on personal flaws they believe they have.  They start treating you like you have an amazing intellect (maybe you do, maybe you don’t) and try to impress you with some things they are doing “right”.  It’s really quite strange, but true.

Sometimes the other homeschooling parents are the worst.  They tend to go on and on about what junior can do and what methods they are using and “OMG!  I just started prepping him for the SAT!  I should have started MONTHS ago!  He’ll be four in a week!”  Possibly these parents just want to receive a pat on the back for their efforts, but I tend to not care in the slightest what junior is doing.  Good for him, provided he’s having fun.  It isn’t going to change what I do with my kids at all.

It comes down to what you are most comfortable with and what is the best fit for your child.  And remember:  you don’t have to exclusively do either!  You can teach your kids supplementary education to that they receive in school.  You can send your kid to public school one year and home-school the next.  You allow your child to take extracurricular activities or a chemistry class at your local high school and do the rest of his education at home.  The options are endless and the choice is yours.  Don’t let anyone tell you what is best for your child.  You know him or her better than anyone else. 

{Note:  If you wish to home-school, find out what the laws are for your state from the Department of Education.}

Home-school vs. Public School ~Tori

This week we are going to broach the subject of schooling. Now this can tend to be a very controversial topic between moms, so just remember to keep it nice. Our opinions may not be yours, nor each others. But we are all here to lend our personal wisdom on this view.

Now I started homeschooling Lucas when we was 3. It may seem a little young to some people, but we worked on numbers 0-10, the alphabet, shapes, colors, etc. We just started with the small stuff. He did have some pronunciation troubles and as I tried working with him on it he didn't seem to want to respond. As we patiently trudged on he became more and more frustrated. We noticed he started acting out more especially when we couldn't understand all of what he was saying. We would ask him to repeat, sound out, etc., but he would get too frustrated to try. He mainly pointed at stuff for the longest time. Then I was told about a preschool class that met once a week and was a speech class. I checked into it, met with the speech therapist, checked out the classroom, etc. We loved the therapist, Lucas responded so well to the classroom environment because where he wasn't around many kids his age before, he loved having others around him that he could identify with closer. Then he started correcting himself on his own, growing in class (and at home), and he just all in all loved it. Where he refused to talk to anyone new before sometimes he will just say the most random crazy things now. He is so much more friendly and outgoing.
After much discussion between me and hubby, we decided to go ahead and keep him in public preschool, he really wanted to stay and make more friends. This is the second year he has been in public school and this year he gets to start kindergarten. He is more than excited to be starting a new adventure. I am biting my fingernails struggling to let go. :)

Now don't get me wrong public school was not my intention. I'm constantly worrying about it because I'm not right there. What if he falls at recess and scrapes his leg? What if his coat isn't zipped and it's windy out? But these are things he is going to have to do without me sooner or later. While I would rather them be later I can't ignore the happiness on his face when he is on his way to school. Hearing all the details about his day as he enjoys his after school snack. The running up to me and getting a big hug and kiss because he missed me, and we talk to each other about our day. So my main problem with public school is that it's just hard to let go. I want to hold on. He's growing up, and I'm not ready. I don't want the distance. But I also went to public school and I met some of the best friends that I have to this day. I had to just suck it up and realize that while each child is different, for him, this is what made him happy. He has made friends, his socialization is so much better, and while he is still a bit shy and reserved he does interact so much better.

Now I do worry about him away from me in public school especially in today's dangerous day and age. But to be honest I made it through public school, and you just have to do your research on the school. Shootings are the main worry on my mind what with everything happening, bullying is a huge concern, but I know that I can't shield him from life. Those are risks you take in a grocery store, or at a park. Bullying happens at every stage of life so it's something that can't be escaped no matter what. But I can talk to him about these things and teach him how to handle it, and not let it get the best of him.

I prefer to home school him, I'm a stay at home mom so I certainly have the time. But then he doesn't get to interact with other kids his age as much as he would like. He doesn't get to do group projects with his peers, he doesn't make the connections with the same kids on a daily basis. Later on if he wants me to home school him I will be all up for it and ready to go. But for right now I do believe that public school has been the best thing for him. He has gotten so many opportunities. That doesn't mean that we don't go on the occasional field trip as a family, that doesn't mean I don't teach him things at home, we do both so he gets the best of both worlds. He loves it. I plan on attending every single field trip, being a part of all his school functions, and still spending the same amount of time with him I can.

Every child is different, and public or home school choices are for your family to decide. It really comes down to the child. Children all learn differently, they respond differently to various settings, but either way schooling is very important.

Whether you are choosing public or home school just be active in your child's schooling above all else. Talk about the day whether you were there or not because it's very important to know they can talk to you. This creates such a lasting effect that will carry on years down the road. If you don't ask about the small stuff and listen intently then they aren't going to talk to you about the big stuff. And always remember no matter what you choose, you are your child's first teacher.

Dad's Role in the Home: Then and Now (Fiance Special Edition)

Hello everyone!

When Leslie first told me I was to be a guest blogger on this wonderful blog, the first thing I said was the obvious, uncontrolled, and seemingly mandatory “Sure, what about?” (I couldn't stop myself from asking it). She said that it was going to be a 'father's perspective' thing, (she wasn't sure exactly the topic at the time). There is a lot to this fatherhood thing, and I'm happy to chip in my two cents in to the Dad's talk. So now that I know what the scope of this post needs to be, lets go!

So let's start with the 'Then', (what a surprise!). And to talk about the 'Then' we need to talk about my dad and my home from the days of yore. The old country. Amish Country. Okay, not really Amish Country but a stones throw away, nor am I Amish.

Dad had always wanted the best for our family, and I was never really wanting of anything. We weren’t rich by any means, but dad had a good job with good pay and good benefits, so health and well being was never an issue. We lived in two floor four bedroom house with a two car garage and a full dry basement. Not a bad shot, especially for someone who built it himself. That's the kind of man my dad is, he sees something that needs to be done, then he will be the one to do it. And I'll be damned if he didn't do it well. In many ways he is my exact opposite, (the logical to my conceptual). This also made living with him very hard, and our relationship incredibly strained for most of my life.

Dad and Mom both worked, dad always paid the bills and food, mom's job helped with that and put back some money for savings and fun things. When I was born (and my sister there after) Mom left work leaving Dad in charge of the lot. I believe at the point of my sisters birth we were in safe water financially, so the strain of mom being home was felt, but not unbearable.

We had a fairly basic routine in my home, Dad took over several major responsibilities: House work, yard and garden, my activities (like hockey, mom covered my sisters activities like dance), house hold income, and disciplinarian. Dad worked the normal 9-5 job, but because of our home location, his job was an hour away. So he would be out the door around 7am, and home by about 7pm, (rush hour is crazy like that). 12 hour day with the driving. So when he got home he usually changed out of his work clothes, into something more casual, (I always remember him wearing graphic sweat shirts and jeans for some reason). We would then eat dinner, have a “talk” if we did something bad, then we would go into the basement for practice (various work outs and stretches for hockey as well as game theory) which usually took us into the 9-10pm area, sometimes later. Then it was to bed. On weekends Dad would take me to my games or if it was the off season, tend to the garden or relax in the sun, (he likes sun bathing).

As far as things went outside of daily life, I feel like mom and dad really made a team effort of a lot of things, and some things that my sister and I perceived as one parent's work was in reality the effort of both, but presented though one. I think there were many a time that a toy store visit was book checked and discussed before mom took us. Many of the fun things we did in my house hold were because of my dad's work ethic, from getting our boat, to camping trips, to a wonderful time at Disney when I was eleven.

We eventually worked out our issues with each other and have grown to become very close in recent years. Looking back, I won't tell myself that my dad was easy on me. Because he wasn't. I still feel he came down on me way too hard at times. However, I look at the man I became, and the father that I'm becoming and realize that I wouldn't be here without some of ethics and lessons he taught, (and at times drilled) into me. I thank him for those lessons, both the good, and the bad, even if I never have out loud.

So that's the 'Then' lets talk about the 'Now', (Holy crap! What a twist!)

I don't pretend to know everything about being a dad, and really I don't think anyone does. Not from lack of trying but because being a father is a mutable thing. What your child needs can change from day to day. And just so, as can your family's needs change in the same way.

As a professional artist, I don't have the luxury of having a steady job at the moment. So as much as it pains me, I can always be the person that brings home the big bucks and provide everything my family needs at a moments notice. But if there is one lesson my father taught me, it's to push though challenges and come out on top. So while I hunt for a good job in the graphic design field like some kind of large predatory fish in open water, my position in the family and as a father has to change too.

When I was working as a designer at an auto-wrap company, it was Leslie's job to watch after A. A had a few hours with me at night before she went to sleep. Now the roles are reversed, Leslie has the job and I'm watching and teaching A, while she works. I don't mind being the stay at home dad for now, but there is a significant amount of emphasis on the “for now” part. I want to be the bread winner because I know how badly Leslie wants to home school A, and how much she wants to be able to spend days with A. I have always wanted to be the one who provides for the family and hopefully that will come about again.

So, in the mean time I take other responsibilities. As I mentioned I try to teach A things every day. Sometimes it's something as simple as math, other times we draw and we work on shapes and pictures, (the kid was holding a pencil properly after watching me well before the age of two, art is in her blood) we sing, we dance, we play with toys and laugh. We also engage each other in combat which I'm sure is frowned upon by the Geneva Convention when it's time for a nap but isn't every child a terror during their 2's? I've taken it upon my self to encourage her to be free minded and creative. I try my best to nurture that, always trying think of new things to draw with her or to play with her that will strengthen her imagination.

I realize that being a Dad isn't just about raising a kid either. Yeah, you need to be a good example and such but fatherhood is a further step in a partnership. To the point: Fatherhood, Motherhood... one entity in two parts; a Teacher. Your child will learn from every action you do, the good AND the bad. You teach them with your being. Each parent will teach different lessons to the child, most of which are never intended, and some of which are entirely so. It's so important for me, as a father, to be on the same page as Leslie, as a mother. We disagree on some things, and that's fine, differences breed strength. But at the end of the day, it's all about the little one. Is she doing okay? Is she learning? Is she growing? Being a father is trying your best to ensure these things happen.

In my heart, being a father is the greatest achievement I can accomplish. There are other achievements in my life that I still wish to attain, but I have realized that these achievements are solely there to better the livelihood of my daughter and family. And though there may be bumps and detours along the way, as long as my daughter is happy, healthy, and smiling with her big dorky grin, I know I am doing this whole father thing right.

Dad’s Role in the Home: Then and now ~Guest post by Agent Cheerio (spouse to priddymomma))

Hey all!  We're very excited to have guest bloggers this week!  Our men want their says (read:  we made them or ELSE!).  Enjoy!  See you next week!

Shh!  I'm secret.

First, I’m honored to be part of the wildly popular blog, The Case of the Missing Cheerios.  I hope I do these awesome moms justice with my guest post.  My name is Miles, but let’s say for this article you can call me Agent Cheerio.  I’m here with a briefing (so listen up dads), especially you dads who were press-ganged into reading this article by some other awesome mom out there.

Let’s take a short walk down the memory lane that for us never was.  I’m talking about the time when dad went out to work and the moms were in charge of the ‘homey stuff.’  Dad was home by five, dinner was up by five-thirty (or else, cause dads had the authority to be whiny and get away with it).  Mom took her hair out of rollers about a half hour before he showed.  He greeted his wife with a peck, a curt head nod, a ‘hi honey’ and went immediately to the more important task of finding his pipe and his scotch and to put up his feet.  After all he’s certain he worked harder than mom, didn’t he.

Ahhhhhh, it all seems so much like a show that was staged in the 50s, but shot in the 70s.  The good old days, right (polio, cold war).  Somewhere around here there’s an appalling home economics book from the 50s I saw once where this type of behavior was outlined in exhaustive detail.  Dad wasn’t entirely out of home-type tasks, there was always the furnace (Christmas story), and the lawn, and the handyman honey-do list.  Also, dad was always there when little Jimmy really screwed the pooch (You wait till your father gets home!).

As we roll the clock a forward a few decades to the 80s, we see things pan out a little differently.  Due to economic factors like a recession many families were doing the both parents work thing.  Mom could have it all, work and family.  Having it all can sometimes have its drawbacks though.  Dad may or may not be picking up an even share with at home duties, but probably isn’t quite on point with the kiddos.  Child rearing is after all, still regarded as a mom-sponsibily, right.  This time was right in my formative years, and I remember my folks working it out pretty hard, and leaving me in a whole grab-bag of places.  Everybody does what they have to to get by.  

This is pretty much where we are now, but with a few changes, some positive, some not so much.  Flexibility with roles and economic factors are yielding more stay-at-home dads than ever.  One of these factors is that women are graduating college at a slightly higher rate than men, as much as 25% higher.  Now, part of this number may have to do with affirmative action, but I say guys are on notice with this one.  More women graduate, I say bravo.  After all, if mom’s got more earning power than dad, it’s a no brainer to get her to work.

What if dad just isn’t there?  The single parent scenario is picking up momentum at an alarming rate.  Getting married or staying together when children come into the picture just doesn’t seem to be all the rage anymore.  Most of the time mom picks up the mantle, not dad.  I also sometimes feel a sentiment in the air where ‘dad’ as a concept is getting to be take-it-or-leave-it.  I’d like to think that fatherhood as an institution isn’t going out of fashion.

For those who are choosing to take up the charge of fatherhood whether family planning became your hobby, or it was thrust upon you by Captain Morgan, I applaud you.  In this age of equality and choices it opens up the door to a lot of the wrong ones.  Be there for your wives, baby-mammas and children.  Not much else matters.  I propose that fatherhood is polarizing in an alarming way.  For about every two absent dads, there’s a spot-on one.  These dads are sharing more child-rearing and in-the-home duties.  Only in a minority are they catching up with moms, but they are making the appeal for fatherhood.

(Any resemblance to Agent Cheerio is purely coincidental)

While I probably have an unfair bias, I happen to think that fatherhood and manhood are pretty strongly linked.  With expectations for home and family duties on the rise, the diaper-changers and teatime MC’s are the new macho men.  For those who can’t hack it when it’s time to clean vomit or go to the baby shower, they are realizing my biggest fear:  marginalization.  If mom proves herself as primary child caregiver, and as primary family provider, dad is proving himself to be decoration.  Be essential so you aren’t viewed as another unnecessary expense.  This is the awkward moment when I realize that the last paragraph pretty much summed up the plot of “Mars Needs Moms’ (great cinema that).

For one last personal note, the way priddymomma and I handle biz is a little bit different.  I do the sole breadwinner thing, and it has its ups and downs.  Ups: kids get more mom time.  Homeschooling is an easier option.  I get to feel valued and needed.  Downs:  No cell phone, no cable, no anything nice or new.  Mom gets cabin fever.  Mom feels guilty sometimes when we need things and the money isn’t there because society pressures are telling her she should be working outside the home too.

So what do you think reader? *bites nails as I review the text to make sure I didn’t mess with anyone’s sensibilities on this handful of touchy topics*  Do you share my anxieties about the decline of fatherhood?  Are you a success story?  Moms, does dad deserve an extra hug today?  Dads, does mom deserve a surprise act of service? Family matters, so don’t be an Urkel.

Dad's Role In The Home Then & Now Guest Post by Josh ~Tori's Husband

A guest post from my husband Josh on his role as a father then and now...


Dad's are so much different these days than they were years ago. Years ago a father's main role was to be the breadwinner and oversee finances. These days fathers take much more of a role in their wife and children's lives. We can be more of a help to our wives, take more responsibility with our children, and still do everything we did years ago except we are more involved.
With each child, each age your child reaches, etc., I think a father's role changes all the time.
I help out more around the house now that we have two kids compared to when we just had our oldest son. More responsibilities are put on each one of us, and we help each other.
Tori stays home with the children which is something we both talked about and wanted, but instead of me handling the finances as I would have had to do years ago we usually budget together. That way we can discuss all things jointly rather than separate as would have happened years ago. It makes things run smoother.
I love being more hands on with my kids and am so thankful that we are in the day and age we are. Years ago father's weren't as active in their child's life. I look forward to all sports games, camping trips, teaching them things throughout life, etc. I don't mind changing diapers, helping with laundry, chores, cooking, etc.
So while I do believe that mothers are wonder-woman each in their own sense, I also think dad's are super-man in our own sense. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Potty Training - Leslie

When Addie was born, potty training was one of those milestones I both couldn't wait for and dreaded.  I hoped so badly for a child who would be easy to potty train but I just KNEW that I would birth the kid that would still be in diapers at age 35.  Hah.  Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but neither was it a piece of cake.

We started introducing her to her training potty around a year old.  I know that might seem early for some, but I wanted her to be comfortable being around one.  We didn't start actually training at this point, though.  She was allowed to play with it, sit on it, take it apart, etc.  She got familiar with it and learned what it was for without the pressure of having to jump on and actually use it.  At about 16 months, we started to have her sit on it when we thought she had to potty.  She didn't take to it very well so we stopped and went back to diapers. 

That was our routine for a while after.  Try for a day and if she wasn't ready, go back to diapers for a month or two and then try again.  I never pressured her to do anything she didn't want to.  Every time she had an accident (at that point, EVERY time was an accident), we just told her that the pee and poop goes in the potty and that when she feels it coming she has to sit down on the potty and go.  We didn't push her into it.  Her potty always stayed out, even when she was in diapers.  We just left the option open to her.

At the beginning of this year, I decided to try again.  We took a break during the holidays so that none of us would be overwhelmed with everything going on and trying to potty train at the same time.  On a Wednesday, I told her that we were going to try to potty train again in three days.  It was a good time because I had a three day weekend off of work and we had nothing planned.  I told her in advance and every day leading up how many days until potty training so that she would feel more ready.  On Saturday morning, I just stripped her down and about every 15-30 minutes (depending on how she was acting) had her sit down and try.

The first time she peed, she got SO excited.  It was like the clouds cleared for her and she had found her life's purpose.  Seriously.  After that, she was ON it.  Of course, she loved that every time she went successfully in the potty we had a mini dance party.  We started off giving her a little treat every time she went.  Something like one jellybean for a pee and two for a poop.  When we ran out of jellybeans (which was fast because we didn't have many to start with) we just told her they were gone and it wasn't an issue for her.  The amazing feeling she had from finally getting it was enough.  After a couple of weeks of going regularly and only having the occasional accident, I rewarded her by taking her to the store and letting her choose some panties for herself.  A couple weeks after that, she graduated to a potty seat that fits on the big toilet and a step stool to help her get up there.

She doesn't have as many accidents now, but when she does, she gets upset because she missed it.  Not because she gets in trouble (we still just let her know everything is okay and that we know she'll try harder to make it next time) but because she knows that she can do it herself.  Now at almost 2 1/2, she is in panties all day.  The only time she wears a diaper is for nap and bedtime, but at this point at nap time she doesn't really need them.  She wakes up dry.  At bedtime, it's a longer stretch and her little muscles aren't quite THAT good yet, especially while she's asleep, so we stick to diapers.  Usually when she wakes up, SHE will just take the diaper off and go to the bathroom herself. 

If I were going to give any advice to parents who want to know the best way to potty train, know this.  There isn't one.  Every child is different and will be ready in their own time and won't potty train exactly like another child.  Don't be jealous because Sally Sue's kid was potty trained at 16 months and you're here at 3 years old and little Johnny still won't use it.  It's FINE.  They'll get it.  Just keep in mind that 1) Sally Sue is probably exaggerating and that little Helga peeing once on the potty doesn't equal being potty trained and 2) if little Helga IS actually going all the time, well nobody is that lucky and Sally Sue will be dealing with a crazy teenager.  Make you feel better?  Me too. 

Just keep in mind that the more you push when they aren't ready themselves, the more they're going to resist.  Don't just pull out the potty when it's time to train.  They don't know what it is at first and it can be scary.  Let them go into the bathroom with mom AND dad.  They will learn that it's normal and that it's okay to use the bathroom.  In the beginning, we tried using charts and we tried treats and we tried having her sit every 15 minutes, but none of that did ANY good until she was ready for it.  Don't feel like there is a deadline.  There isn't.  If you try and they aren't responding well, just let it go for a month or two.  Really, you would be surprised what can come around in one month.  It's not a failure, so don't look at it like one and more importantly, don't make your child feel like it's one.  They WILL use the potty.  Sometimes it feels like they never will, I know.  I KNOW.  But they will.  I promise.