Dad's Role in the Home: Then and Now
(Fiance Special Edition)
Hello everyone!
When Leslie first told me I was to be a
guest blogger on this wonderful blog, the first thing I said was the
obvious, uncontrolled, and seemingly mandatory “Sure, what about?”
(I couldn't stop myself from asking it). She said that it was going
to be a 'father's perspective' thing, (she wasn't sure exactly the
topic at the time). There is a lot to this fatherhood thing, and I'm
happy to chip in my two cents in to the Dad's talk. So now that I
know what the scope of this post needs to be, lets go!
So let's start with the 'Then', (what a
surprise!). And to talk about the 'Then' we need to talk about my dad
and my home from the days of yore. The old country. Amish Country.
Okay, not really Amish Country but a stones throw away, nor am I
Amish.
Dad had always wanted the best for our
family, and I was never really wanting of anything. We weren’t rich
by any means, but dad had a good job with good pay and good benefits,
so health and well being was never an issue. We lived in two floor
four bedroom house with a two car garage and a full dry basement. Not
a bad shot, especially for someone who built it himself. That's the
kind of man my dad is, he sees something that needs to be done, then
he will be the one to do it. And I'll be damned if he didn't do it
well. In many ways he is my exact opposite, (the logical to my
conceptual). This also made living with him very hard, and our
relationship incredibly strained for most of my life.
Dad and Mom both worked, dad always
paid the bills and food, mom's job helped with that and put back some
money for savings and fun things. When I was born (and my sister
there after) Mom left work leaving Dad in charge of the lot. I
believe at the point of my sisters birth we were in safe water
financially, so the strain of mom being home was felt, but not
unbearable.
We had a fairly basic routine in my
home, Dad took over several major responsibilities: House work, yard
and garden, my activities (like hockey, mom covered my sisters
activities like dance), house hold income, and disciplinarian. Dad
worked the normal 9-5 job, but because of our home location, his job
was an hour away. So he would be out the door around 7am, and home by
about 7pm, (rush hour is crazy like that). 12 hour day with the
driving. So when he got home he usually changed out of his work
clothes, into something more casual, (I always remember him wearing
graphic sweat shirts and jeans for some reason). We would then eat
dinner, have a “talk” if we did something bad, then we would go
into the basement for practice (various work outs and stretches for
hockey as well as game theory) which usually took us into the 9-10pm
area, sometimes later. Then it was to bed. On weekends Dad would take
me to my games or if it was the off season, tend to the garden or
relax in the sun, (he likes sun bathing).
As far as things went outside of daily
life, I feel like mom and dad really made a team effort of a lot of
things, and some things that my sister and I perceived as one
parent's work was in reality the effort of both, but presented though
one. I think there were many a time that a toy store visit was book
checked and discussed before mom took us. Many of the fun things we
did in my house hold were because of my dad's work ethic, from
getting our boat, to camping trips, to a wonderful time at Disney
when I was eleven.
We eventually worked out our issues
with each other and have grown to become very close in recent years.
Looking back, I won't tell myself that my dad was easy on me. Because
he wasn't. I still feel he came down on me way too hard at times.
However, I look at the man I became, and the father that I'm becoming
and realize that I wouldn't be here without some of ethics and
lessons he taught, (and at times drilled) into me. I thank him for
those lessons, both the good, and the bad, even if I never have out
loud.
So that's the 'Then' lets talk about
the 'Now', (Holy crap! What a twist!)
I don't pretend to know everything
about being a dad, and really I don't think anyone does. Not from
lack of trying but because being a father is a mutable thing. What
your child needs can change from day to day. And just so, as can your
family's needs change in the same way.
As a professional artist, I don't have
the luxury of having a steady job at the moment. So as much as it
pains me, I can always be the person that brings home the big bucks
and provide everything my family needs at a moments notice. But if
there is one lesson my father taught me, it's to push though
challenges and come out on top. So while I hunt for a good job in the
graphic design field like some kind of large predatory fish in open
water, my position in the family and as a father has to change too.
When I was working as a designer at an
auto-wrap company, it was Leslie's job to watch after A. A had a few
hours with me at night before she went to sleep. Now the roles are
reversed, Leslie has the job and I'm watching and teaching A, while
she works. I don't mind being the stay at home dad for now, but
there is a significant amount of emphasis on the “for now” part.
I want to be the bread winner because I know how badly Leslie wants
to home school A, and how much she wants to be able to spend days
with A. I have always wanted to be the one who provides for the
family and hopefully that will come about again.
So, in the mean time I take other
responsibilities. As I mentioned I try to teach A things every day.
Sometimes it's something as simple as math, other times we draw and
we work on shapes and pictures, (the kid was holding a pencil
properly after watching me well before the age of two, art is in her
blood) we sing, we dance, we play with toys and laugh. We also engage
each other in combat which I'm sure is frowned upon by the Geneva
Convention when it's time for a nap but isn't every child a terror
during their 2's? I've taken it upon my self to encourage her to be
free minded and creative. I try my best to nurture that, always
trying think of new things to draw with her or to play with her that
will strengthen her imagination.
I realize that being a Dad isn't just
about raising a kid either. Yeah, you need to be a good example and
such but fatherhood is a further step in a partnership. To the point:
Fatherhood, Motherhood... one entity in two parts; a Teacher. Your
child will learn from every action you do, the good AND the bad. You
teach them with your being. Each parent will teach different lessons
to the child, most of which are never intended, and some of which are
entirely so. It's so important for me, as a father, to be on the same
page as Leslie, as a mother. We disagree on some things, and that's
fine, differences breed strength. But at the end of the day, it's all
about the little one. Is she doing okay? Is she learning? Is she
growing? Being a father is trying your best to ensure these things
happen.
In my heart, being a father is the
greatest achievement I can accomplish. There are other achievements
in my life that I still wish to attain, but I have realized that
these achievements are solely there to better the livelihood of my
daughter and family. And though there may be bumps and detours along
the way, as long as my daughter is happy, healthy, and smiling with
her big dorky grin, I know I am doing this whole father thing right.
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